by Trina Sterling
He was flawless. I mean, his skin was like looking into a pool of deep chocolate glass that accentuated cuts in a well-toned muscular body. His teeth just shimmered against his mahogany tones and when he smiled – oh my God!!
I looked up at him and secretly drooled.
Yes, I admit it. I usually do not go for a man this fine, but he seemed like he exuded more than just a gorgeous smile and brick house body – he was casually but well-dressed and he was laughing and talking to everybody in the room. I watched him go from group to group at this party and like a bee passes from flower to flower, he was spreading love and joy to everyone he met. I mean, it didn’t seem to matter to him that he was the finest thing in the room and surely he could just stand still and accomplish the same thing by attracting everyone to come his way. No, this man demonstrated that he was not as in love with himself as he could easily have been…he was like royalty to me.
Of course, I had to know his name.
Okay, yeah – I do not make it a point to chase down a man because I believe that the way you start things is usually how you have to be willing to continue to do things – but in this case I did not want this guy to leave without me getting some kind of one on one moment. I didn’t have to chase him as it turned out because he and one of my girlfriends came up to me while I was at the table getting my second cup of punch along with that extra surge of courage. Don’t get me wrong, I can mix and mingle with the best of them – I’ve learned that we are all people on this planet looking to be respected and loved, so I usually can walk up to somebody that interests me and get a conversation going, but again, I must remind you – this man was flawless and showed he had some depth to him in the way he treated people around him. I’m not that easily impressed, so this was strange territory for me. Charlene – my friend – walked up with this look of “OMG!!!” on her face as they both strolled my way. I made it a point to squelch the automatic response of looking at Charlene and give myself away too soon. We were introduced – Jimmy, this is Lexi, Lexi this Jimmy…
We met at just the right time.
Next thing I knew we were walking in the parking lot alone and talking about our hometowns, schools, churches, jobs and families like old friends. It got me that he was getting me and I knew he was feeling the same. Electricity sparked between us from out of nowhere and soon we were lost in a fog of kisses right between this old burgundy Mercedes and a silver gray Lexus SUV. When we found ourselves bumping up against the Lexus and setting the alarm off, I knew I must’ve lost my natural mind, because in that moment, I really didn’t care. When you have that kind of chemistry with someone, it’s hard to think about anything else – you just want to drink each other in…
Jimmy made me think I wanted to get married for the first time in a LONG time!
He turned out to be the kind of brother that made you feel like you were royalty too. I loved feeling like a princess in his court – it was so easy to treat him like the prince that he was to me. He was just as at ease with doing things for me as I was more than happy to cater to his needs. I wore OUT that “Cater to You” single by Destiny’s Child while Jimmy and I were together!
Flaws in a diamond are so easily overlooked.
5 months rolled by and I was ready to see if Jimmy and I were going to take things to the next level in our relationship. We had met each other’s families and were hanging out with them on a regular basis with no problems, so I was really starting to feel this family vibe so strong – UNTIL Jimmy’s sister pulled me to the side one day and asked me if he had told me about his jail time back in Philly some years back. That news did not mess me up as much as learning the news from his sister and not from him. But, no sweat – I still trusted my man to tell me about all this in his own way and in his own time. So, I played it like I already knew all about it with his sister, especially since I didn’t know what her motives really were for telling me like that anyway. When Jimmy and I were finally alone, I decided to share some things with him about my past that he didn’t know, things I was ready to share with him anyway, but also hoping it would coax him out to tell me more about himself. Weeks went by and the silence about the jail time just got louder and louder…but I resolved in myself that I was gonna just go by how Jimmy treated me, his friends and family in the present – his past was not about to ruin what we had right now! I was out to protect it with all I had in me…
Sometimes what we don’t know does hurt us!!
It was 3:45am and my cell phone must have been ringing for the last 20 minutes before I realized it was not me just dreaming. I checked my messages and it was Jimmy’s mother. “Get to the hospital, Jimmy was in an accident!” I rushed out the door and was in my car down the highway in the next 5 minutes. Apparently, Jimmy was walking home from the train station after a late shift and an unidentified SUV hit him in the crosswalk and kept going. I was crying and trying to still be there for Jimmy’s mom and some other family that were waiting to hear from the surgeons. Jimmy had been on the operating table for the last two and a half hours. We all prayed and that seemed to help us hold it together, but I still got this sense that something was being kept from Jimmy’s mom and me. Finally, it came out that someone from Jimmy’s past when he used to deal drugs back in Philly may have tried to get payback because it was thought that Jimmy gave some information about him to the police. This was just too much for me. All I could think about was would my man live through this or not – in that moment, all doubt about whether I loved Jimmy or not drained away. I knew right then that I was his for life, for better or for worse. The proposal, the ring, the certificate and the ceremony were all just formalities at this point – Jimmy was “the one” and I had to be there to get him through all this –
2 months later –
Jimmy wasable to come back at home. His flawless looks took a toll from the accident that shattered the bones in his nose and cheekbones, fractured his collarbone, right upper arm and hand and worst of all severed his spinal cord. He was a paraplegic and even though he had the best doctors and rehab, he was bound to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. The driver of the SUV was caught and thank goodness Jimmy’s insurance settlement was going to keep him well taken care of for the rest of his life – financially anyway.
Life with whoever you love is never long enough.
Jimmy did not survive after his last surgery that was just supposed to correct some fluid building up around his brain and later heart and respiratory complications. Just when we thought we were home free –
It didn’t matter to me that this tragedy had stolen so much from our lives and our future together. When I was with jimmy, I saw past the scars and destruction his beautiful body had suffered. I didn’t care that he had a hard time going to the bathroom by himself and needed help getting in and out of his wheelchair. The essence of who I fell in love with was still in him – the smile, the light in his eyes when I walked into the room, his contagious laugh and how he loved me and everyone he came in contact with. When Jimmy died, there were so many of his doctors and nurses co-workers, church members and friends from way back and all over that attended the services – yeah, my man had left a huge hole in the world when he left it…
If love ever finds me again…
Love can never truly be found with anyone on the basis of things that cannot last. Looks, money, clothes, connections, etc can all be removed or altered in the blink of an eye. Only the things that last and improve with maturity like a person’s character, values, beliefs and ability to love are what we can build a life and a love upon. I learned this with Jimmy who surprised me by becoming more attractive after the accident as I watched him fight and maintain his sense of humor and love for God and people despite having everything taken away from him. It was after the accident that we sat down and were able to share all our secrets and past with each other and Jimmy finally told me what happened to him in Philly.
I think I fell in love with him all over again on that day.